I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
