I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
