I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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