Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
