It's like God shit irony all over that family
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
