well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You brought string cheese to the strip club
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
