I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
