I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
