I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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