My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
And then he peed in my hair
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
