You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
