Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
