I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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