So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
