yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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