Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body†on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
