let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
