$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
