Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize