Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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