I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
