i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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