I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
high people should be assigned attendants
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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