WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
