Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize