My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
