just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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