Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Randomize
