So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
