and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
