do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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