Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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