shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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