Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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