i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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