This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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