you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
