i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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