we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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