I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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