There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
