I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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