highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
