he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
this beer tastes like vomit already
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
