Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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