Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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