dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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