hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
