So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I could fuck to npr.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
