Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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