When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
