You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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