it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
