I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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