a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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