I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
True strength comes from lack of pants
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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