he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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