when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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