so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
