Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So much rum. So many feels.
the liver wants what the liver wants
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
