It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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