I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
be right there i have to get my cape
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
