how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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