so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
