Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
