im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
