I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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