I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I want to walk on stilts...naked
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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